The Internal Remodel Continues

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How long does it take to reinvent your work life? Can you leave your job, read a few books, listen to several podcasts and voila, it’s all different? Nope. No. It doesn’t work like that. I can tell you for sure, it does not work like that. Just a few weeks ago I was singing, “Yeeeesssss.” Here are a few songs to describe how it’s been feeling lately:

“One Step Forward, Two Steps Back” — generalized lyrics from Paula Abdul’s Opposites Attract

I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues — Elton John

I Wanna Go Back (And Do It All Over) — Eddie Money

When you start a new workout routine (I’ve currently started Orange Theory Fitness — yay!), it feels good at the beginning. You’re motivated. Your body feels better. Then you hit a bit of a wall. You either get bored, or too sore or tired, or you’d just rather eat Christmas cookies and read a book. Why can’t you just go a few times until it feels good and have that last forever? (Haha. I crack myself up.)

It’s the same with career change. At first it’s full steam ahead, you feel changed and you think you’re good. But then, unexpectedly, the internal road blocks sneak up again. Most of those road blocks are signs that read things like:

“Turn around and go back. You don’t know what’s ahead.”

“This isn’t going to be fun. Just hang out in your robe some more.”

“You won’t know what you’re doing.”

“It’s going to be miserable like before because every job is miserable.”

According to Ted Lasso, this is “Stinkin’ Thinkin’.” My thinking has been smelling a little lately. But the good news? This is normal. It’s normal to regress once in awhile. It’s normal to hit a road block. I can’t undo decades of what work looks like for me in nine months. Some days I want to run back into the safe arms of a big system where everything is laid out clearly for me. Walk this way, talk this way, here are your benefits and days off and dress code and where to park and what font to use. But that’s not what I really want. Not right now. I’ve allowed myself to dream of a different way, and it’s time for a reminder. It’s time to re-embrace, “what if it all goes right?”.

I started putting quotes from various people on my wall a year ago. Here are a few reminders I need now:

“Happiness is a risk. If you’re not a little scared, then you’re not doing it right.”

“Without vulnerability, you cannot create.”

“You are courageous.”

“The life you want is just outside your comfort zone.”

“Ships are safe at shore, but that’s not what ships were built for.”

Change is scary and exciting at the same time, and it’s getting real for me. The hibernation is coming to an end. I recently listened to Brene Brown on Glennon Doyle’s podcast. Brene explained that even positive change involves grieving the old way. This is a very helpful thought. No matter how excited we are for a change, to start new, great things, there is still a bit of letting go and waving goodbye to the previous one. I have to keep reminding myself doubts will continue to arise in the form of 80’s songs. I can counter those doubts by flexing and working the new muscles I’ve been building all year and getting busy doing the new things. If it were my kid, I would say to him, “Just jump off the high dive already.” Although he’s focused on the scary parts, I know how much fun it’s going to be once he does it.

There’s nothing like a good song to make you want to go for it, so I’m looking for some new theme songs for the new year. All decades are fair game, and I welcome any suggestions! In the mean time, I’m going to go listen to Elton John again.