Confident Vulnerability And Cupcakes

I ate a cream-filled cupcake the other day and it got me thinking. Without the surrounding cake, the cream is lost, wondering what shape to take. The cupcake is the perfect combination of structure and vulnerability. It reminded me of my exciting, new roles: Fractional CMO and writer. Metaphorically, these two pursuits are cake and cream filling. “Business me” is the hard-frosted, structurally-stable cake, while “writing me” is the creamy, vulnerable middle. My hope is that together it tastes great.

The thing is, as the baker, I’m not done making this cupcake, and I’m learning a lot in the process:

1. Vulnerability in moderation is a good idea. During this career change and life phase journey, I’ve been “Brene Browned”. I’ve learned a lot about vulnerability and the benefits of being vulnerable. As a way to manage and make change happen, I have eagerly unleashed my inner voice. At times, it has resulted in emotional whiplash, and I’ve had to metaphorically wear one of those foam neck braces to recover. Sometimes, a little goes a long way. Layers need peeled off one at time so you don’t end up ugly-crying from cutting the onion the wide open.
2. It’s more comfortable to be vulnerable in one area when you are standing on a stable platform in others. If everything feels uncertain, life is scary and not so fun. The cream filling with no cake is just a mess. My career coach recommends “success scaffolding,” and honestly, it’s a much better metaphor than the cupcake. During all of this change and construction, it helps to identify the anchors and structure required to support success. Establishing stability allows a safe place to support the vulnerability; e.g., adding predictability in schedule or workspace, quick-win work on familiar topics and in-person time with people who support your journey.
3. Vulnerability requires confidence. Great leaders I know are confident enough to know how and when to be vulnerable. They know how to build a track record of authenticity, so during their times of vulnerability, it is genuine for them and their teams.
4. Other examples of vulnerability that are only possible because of a baseline confidence? Being fashion-forward can be vulnerable, but only the confident are brave enough. Also, roller skating. It takes a confident, vulnerable, middle-aged person to think she can go back in the rink after 30 plus years and skate in front of parents and kids, only to walk around later with ice packs down the back of her pants and on her wrists.

So, at least for me, I need a recipe of stability, confidence and vulnerability to be successful. I need structure and freedom, corners and curves. I need to keep practicing my new skills and eat a cupcake from time to time while I navigate the excitement, turbulence and occasional bruises of building something new.

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