This Sucks So Good

If you’re reading this to learn about the latest Dyson vacuum cleaner, you’ve come to the wrong place. However, if you’re holding on to something, fearing what lies on the other side of change, and wishing you had a crystal ball, this stream of consciousness might be for you, because I’ve learned that some things can suck in a good way.

Step 1: Reframe quitting

“Don’t be a quitter.” It’s a nice saying for a wooden sign, but sometimes the pain leading us to think about quitting something is a gift telling us we need to change and grow.

We fight it because we were taught quitting is bad, a character flaw. Don’t Quit by John Greenleaf Whittier is a poem I still remember from junior high, “It’s when things seem worse that you mustn’t quit.” I believed Mr. 1800s Whittier because he wrote such a beautiful poem and who doesn’t think that not being a quitter is admirable?

There have been plenty of times when recalling this statement has really helped me. But sometimes it’s a liar. Sometimes when things seem worse, they really are. Sometimes being a quitter is good and you are simply ready for the next thing.

Life doesn’t send you a nice letter inviting you to take the next step. It’s subtle nudges, building until you start to feel like something is wrong and you’re not sure why or what to do about it. You try things. You dig in, and you can dig in really hard because this is what you thought you wanted or this where others have told you you’re excelling. You dig in because you’ve built it with sweat and tears, and you hold on until the one suffering most is you.

It’s your life. Why not find a way to enjoy it?

Nothing is forever, except laundry and feeding people and dishes. And even those things change. People invent Tide Pods and kids learn how to cook. Maybe you develop an unhealthy and costly Uber Eats habit because, for one week, you gave up on making people dinner. For example.

You don’t have to go down with the ship. It’s OK to get on a lifeboat and paddle a new direction. Sometimes it’s exactly what you need.

Step 2:  Find the Courage to Jump

I won’t sugar coat it - breaking up with the idea you had of yourself is very hard. It’s going to suck bad before it sucks good. It’s when things seem worse that you mustn’t quit. Oh, crap.

You can’t avoid all the pain of growth, but you can take action to find the courage to do it in a way that is more “educated explorer” and less “shaking in your boots and jumping off a cliff”.

Start with a pro/con list – status quo or change. Be honest with yourself. Nothing is perfect so there will be compromises in both directions. What really matters to you at this moment in time? What feels closest to who you really are and where you really want to go? If it’s not the right time, that’s your answer. If it is, it’s time for a plan.

Build your team of people and resources to help and support you. Tell people what you are trying to change so they can be there for you. Gather information. If you’re stuck, get another piece of data or take one step in a different direction to see how it feels. Go on and just dip your toe in some pools.

There are many ways to build a bridge to the next thing. You just need to start building in that direction.

Step 3: Visualize the Good Possibilities

It’s easy to imagine all the things that can go wrong with change and to see all the things we will be losing and leaving. Adults aren’t prone to wild imagination, that kids’ stuff. It’s not as safe to dream when we have a mortgage and kids and we’re still ordering the same Jimmy John’s number eleven sandwich thirty years later. We get comfortable. But it can be so much fun to imagine the good side of change. For example, I now order my sandwich in a wrap instead of bread. Yum!

The benefit of today’s information overload is there are many ways to visualize what could go right with a particular change. LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, bookstores, podcasts, other people – there are a zillion examples of people doing what you want to do (or pretending to), or at least in a direction you want to go either personally or professionally. Just google it. Take a class. Ask someone to coffee. Or endlessly follow a YouTube channel until you’ve picked up the lingo. Instead of dipping your toe, swim around a little. Get your hair wet and see how it feels.

When I was working on my career change, I made a vision board with magazine cutouts (old school, I know). I have a folder of pictures saved on my phone of work pictures of me when I was enjoying what was I was doing. Sorting through these pictures helped me identify the situations where I was doing my best work, and I was able to find commonality in the pictures I chose – work environment, type of work, types of people I worked with.

I read books about people making changes so I could see before and after. I spoke with my grad school advisor who once knew everything and everyone there was to know in the office furniture industry. He gave up all the glitz and glamour of selling cubicles to work with marketing students and he’s really happy. He even got a shout out from Caitlin Clark in a recent magazine interview. That’s not something you foresee, but you can put yourself on a path to attract new possibilities, one’s even a kid can’t imagine. Unless that kid is Caitlin Clark.

Step 4: Put Out into the World What You Want Back

Once you have the courage and support to make the change you’ve identified, how do you find the next thing? My simple answer is – be you. Put out into the world what you want to come back. If you truly want to be happy, you must be brave enough to put your real self out there. Your actions and interests and activity need to align with what you want, not with what you thought you wanted or a title or status or an outdated vision of who you should be, but what really fires you up.

It's a bit like rebranding. Figure out what you want the world to know and then find the ways to communicate it. For me, writing and finding the right audiences worked. When the world was in chaos during COVID, I was living out loud and sharing my struggles. Writing opened a new avenue for connection and possibilities. A bit like a focus group, I observed what resonated with people; what I had to offer that was fun for me and useful for others. I wrote about things that matter to me, cleared out the clutter and turned on the vacuum to see what sucked my way.

I continue to be so surprised and happy with what’s possible and what I’m attracting. I’ve found myself places thinking, “How can this be my life now?” Although, it did take a good two years of dust ball clogs and emotional roller coasters and once in a while turning off the vacuum because what you’re sucking towards you isn’t right, but I could not have imagined this level of peace and alignment in my work and family.

And it’s not what I would have thought I wanted three years ago. Yes, there has been designing and planning and sorting and working, but there has also been letting go and just seeing and being open to whatever comes your way. Trusting that leaning into the things that are truly you will pay off.

Writing might not be your thing, but everyone has something that is truly their gift, what they enjoy, where they excel. These skills aren’t always the obvious ones, and they aren’t always the sexy ones. It can take a while to find the essence of your success, but homing in and pushing in that direction is very rewarding.

It’s not quitting, it’s just the place you’re meant to go

I don’t know why I didn’t see this earlier, but leaving is not always a big failure. Sometimes it opens a big sucking vacuum for all kinds of new and amazing things to come your way. If you’re calling yourself a quitter, see if what you’re really doing is passing the slow car so the road can open up for you.

You can still be tough and leave stuff. We must give ourselves permission to welcome change instead of dreading it.

When you finally let go and do the work to put your true self out there, you’ll see life’s sucking vacuum pulling good things to you and hopefully find the peace of admiring all the lines in the carpet going the right direction.

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