Getting Uncomfortable Week 3: The Rewards of Getting Comfortable with People

Raise your hand if the thought of learning an entire hour’s worth of dance moves in front of strangers sounds like a great time. Do most of you have your hands up? Maybe not.

Previously, I wrote about going new places and experiencing new cultures. This week’s blog is about people, the people with whom you share new experiences. I spent time getting comfortable interacting with new people, dancing, and reflecting on the road to developing deep connections within my existing community.

Let’s Dance

On a whim last week, thanks to my get uncomfortable challenge, I tried my first Zumba exercise class. While dressing for the gym, I checked the class schedule because I’m getting a bit bored with my own workouts (only two weeks in). There was one group exercise class left for the evening starting in 30 minutes. I had time to quickly Google “Zumba” to see what I was getting myself into and made a snap decision to go, with no time to reconsider. (For those who do not know, Zumba is a cardio class with segments of different Latin dance moves performed to upbeat, Latin music.)

Oh, No. I’m Here.

There is an awkwardness barrier to climb when entering a room of new people to do a new thing. Typical thoughts include: Where will l sit? Will I know anyone? Did I dress appropriately? Where are all the exits if I need to bolt? Please, don’t let me pass out.

This hesitation doesn’t just apply to trying new exercise classes. How about the awkward tension at the beginning of a conference when people are cuddling their coffee mugs and hoping to find a seat that doesn’t require sucking it in and scooting past people? Who remembers the initial dread of being partnered up for group projects or workshops? Or accepting an invitation to join an existing book club where you only know one of the participants and the rest of the group are long-time friends? What about being the newest person on the team and you have to give your presentation first?

It appears the opportunities to practice getting uncomfortable in new situations with new people are endless. So, why do it?

Shared Experiences

Think back to your first friends. Why does it feel so familiar to see your school classmates? Why do my mom and her retired, high school friends enjoying hanging out like teenagers, probably giggling a lot?

Two words: Shared experiences.

Surviving the good, bad, ugly, and great bonds you. Succeeding together bonds you. Very few people in the world truly understand your sports or band or other group activity journey like your teammates and coach.

What about the trip when you went to the karaoke bar with your coworkers, or when your work team spent years to launch a new product that sold out? Or all the hours spent with the other parents from your kid’s sports team — who else understands the questionable calls, the extreme heat/cold, the tournament runner-up medals, or the home run from the kid who needed it most?

These relationships all started from zero, just like my Zumba ability, although being prime drinking age when the Macarena came out doesn’t hurt. One of my favorite runner’s quotes is: “The hardest step is the first one out the door.” You can dread the beginning part of new interactions, or you can start, knowing others are feeling similar to you, and see what happens.

Something started to happen midway through my Zumba workout. I found the lady next to me (also hiding in the back row) was about my same speed and messing up the same number of salsa moves (it’s all salsa for now because I didn’t catch the names of the other moves). We gave each other that all-knowing head nod, both trying to figure out what the heck is going on with the teacher’s feet. Pretty soon, the awkward part was gone and I was having fun, while still marveling at how the teacher gets her hips to do that.

Be A Joiner

It takes courage and time to build real connections and expand your community. One hour of Zumba is just a start, but you can expedite the process by getting in the trenches with people.

I reached out to industry contacts last week. These are people I’ve spent hours, days, years with. In some cases, we’ve spent hours on the road in sales calls or lobbied senators or planned cowboy-themed events in the desert together. We’ve been mad, happy and innovative together. One of these guys made sure to sit by me when I was pregnant so I could give him my wine and he could give me his dessert. In every case, we started from zero, but had shared goals and worked together to achieve them.

These true connections develop when you become a joiner. Join a new team at work, join a board, join an industry association, take a class, volunteer. What have you joined that has led to those connections, the people who truly know your capabilities and are there for you? After working from home for more than two years, this past week was a great reminder I need more of these interactions with people.

I listened to a timely TED Talks Daily: “The Secret To Making New Friends As An Adult” by Marisa G. Franco (she’s also written a book titled Platonic on making and keeping friends). Dr. Franco discussed a research takeaway where people underestimated how much other people liked them. She recommends we should assume people like us. A great approach when you do become a joiner — go into new situations with new people assuming they will like you. Most of the time it will end up being true.

What If This Is Awesome?

I’ll leave with this thought. What if instead of dreading the awkward entry, you dwell on the part past the beginning, the part where it gets awesome? I’m excited to go back to Zumba this week; it’s a dance party where I get to enter calories burned into my app. I’m also more motivated about other things I get to do this week. It’s pretty awesome when you’re less worried about starting and more excited about what can happen after the first steps out the door.

The formula is simple: Put yourself in a situation where you have the opportunity to grow and learn, get past the uncomfortable, which never lasts as long as you anticipate, and get to the good part of developing lasting connections.

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